My life is Challenging…I’m Trusting the Path God put me On.

 

My life right now feels like the weather forecast for NYC.  I’m trying so hard just to get that one foot in front of the other, but there’s some days where it just isn’t feasible.  I say it’s not feasible but the POSITIVE  person in me still manages to do so!!! I just can’t seem to figure out why it is that I’m still living sometimes, how the HEll is my heart still going? The lack of its proper function for 24 years is mystery in itself.   If my reason for being here still is to be this example to others that’s great I just would like to have the feeling of “accomplishment” someday.  I just want one day, that’s all I ask for is ONE day where I can do something I’ve always wished for and do my BEST knowing that I accomplished that goal I had always set out to do. Even if that day Never comes, I still put a smile on my face and …carry on!

Jammies & a SMILE!

As I’ve heard it said, “Being challenged in life is inevitable, being discouraged in life is optional!”  It’s up to us to choose the right road. When a person has bad health such as I do I have to admit I do get discouraged at times and mourn the life I never got to experience. I just need to always remember never to allow it to dictate my life. I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle, I just wish he wouldn’t trust me so much.

I absolutely love the post that Loren Ridinger did on her blog today; it is “Trusting the path we’re on. There are a million paths we choose throughout life.”  Loren is definitely my new Favorite Inspirational Woman!  She is incredibly talented, successful and a Great example on how to be a Strong Woman in today’s world. You Go Girl!  I have to also give a shout out to Loren Ridinger’ Fan on Twitter. If you don’t follow her tweets you should.

Well I feel better already! Like I call my blog, God4LifeFASHN4therapy I even think my blood pressure may have gone down. That’s my cue to go check it, it’d be nice to be able to give a decent BP report at least once today.  And this People out in the Blogosphere, this is Why I Blog, it helps my health! Heck whatever I can do to not have to add anymore pills to the huge amount I already have to take I WILL DO!

In Loren’s Words… “Take charge of your REALITY”

 

WOW!

All I can say about Marissa Miller on Ellen DeGeneres is …W O W!!

I have so much to Offer, I’mReady to Volunteer for YOU…Give me a Shot..;O)

So here I am looking at everyday as a means to have a better future, one with meaning and worth. I know I have worth its just that some days when my health is on the downside, things don’t seem as rosy and bright. I’ve been at a crossroad lately where I’m struggling with the person I use to be. The one I was striving to become in an industry I know I was meant to be in. I still have so much Passion inside my HEART and head that wants to just get out. . I now suffer in silence!
I struggle because I can’t just go out and get what I want like I could have in the past. Being afflicted with my “issue” as I like to call it one day I can be fine and the next NOT! I have a HUGE wish and hope that I will one day before I die get to volunteer/intern with someone in the preparations of NYFW. I know if I was never stricken with this “issue” that I would have in some way shape or form gotten to experience that. I was always told I had a gentle but cautious spirit, not gullible and I had a great head on my shoulders. These character traits helped me deal with the people you encounter in such a Competitive Industry. It got me to the places I wanted to go, be who I wanted to be and help me make it through difficult situations less scathed. I’m trusting but not Stupid! Fashion was and always will be my passion in life. I didn’t want to be a top model I was content with where my life was at that moment. I enjoyed the traveling, the people I met and the creations I got to wear designed by very talented people. I loved doing work in the showrooms and shows because I got to interact with others. I have always had a creative side and a Great knack with people. I’ve always been very outgoing with a personable personality when modeling Designers/Companies would ask if I wanted to rep their lines. I took that as a great compliment. I love People and the stories behind what make them tick, where they’ve been, how they got there, their culture, beliefs, their struggles and triumphs, what drives them, the good with the bad. I felt very fortunate to have the life I was leading Then, IIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKK, CRASH, POW!!! OVER, DONE, KAPUT, FINE!! And here I am 24yrs later and it’s like suffering a tragic loss! The loss being the life I had and the person I was before it was so RUDELY interrupted by a million and one god forsaken illnesses. The main jolt of a Quazillion volts of electricity, that being the Major Stroke that paralyzed me…Life, ya I was still alive but not living the life I knew. While I was a guinea pig for 31 days in UCLA & they were trying to figure out why someone so young & healthy (so we thought at the time) could have been stricken by a stroke, my mom had put up a few of my modeling pictures and places I had traveled to give me Inspiration! I’m telling you she was the only constant in my life from that point on! The Inspiration and Faith of my Godly mother! I’m ONLY alive today because of her! Well, and for the fact that I don’t think God is ready for me either. I keep telling myself there must be something I’m suppose to accomplish in this life still or He would have taken me the times I had flat-lined. So, GOD I’M ASKING YOU TO PLEASE MAKE IT APPARENT TO ME WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING WITH THE TIME THAT YOU HAVE ME HERE. Maybe it’s just the mere fact that I’m a person whose been stricken with horrible situations AND illness in her life but is an example to others on how to stay happy, positive and carry on even when I don’t feel like it. I’m the person I am today because of ALL I have gone through. I may have disabilities, but my disabilities do not define the person I AM! I love people see me as their inspiration don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful to still be here and it’s very fulfilling to know just talking about a few of my “issues” is helpful to others. I’m just finding it rough because I miss that feeling of being Productive.   Anyway, I do know

it’s very hard for those who don’t deal with the everyday issues of illness and pain to understand. Even more so for those who have no knowledge of my disability and just know me as the person I am on the outside VERY OUTGOING AND POSITIVE AND WITH THE DRIVE I HAD PRE-ILLNESS. I have an aching desire, want and need to be that someone I felt I was going to be before my life Ended so abruptly even if only for a day.

After having my strokes I can’t do the things I once could and I’ve accepted that. I no longer have the memory I once did and ability to understand things. I’ve accepted that. I tried to go to college and work again but it didn’t pan out because I ended up in the hospital AGAIN and Again. I’ve accepted that also.
So I guess what my main goal for now is to Accept that it is what it is!!

Sorry for the ramblings, the venting, blah, blah, blah…but it’s kind of like therapy!

Through it all I’m still SMILING…All because of YOU!

(I ) Don’t worry about yesterday it’s gone. (I) Don’t fret over tomorrow it’s not here yet. (I) Just concentrate on NOW, live for TODAY, this MOMENT!

…<3 God …<3 Life …<3 Fashn …<3 Fun

Julia Roberts Won’t Miss Ellen’s Birthday! – The Ellen DeGeneres Show

Julia Roberts Won’t Miss Ellen’s Birthday! – The Ellen DeGeneres Show.

YouTube – Home – Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros Acoustic Cover Jorge & Alexa Narvaez

YouTube – Home – Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros Acoustic Cover Jorge & Alexa Narvaez.

HauteLook

HauteLook.

 

I’m in dire need of getting these Elizabeth and James eye catching wedged over the knee boots.  I know i would feel so much better than I have been if I knew these were on the way to my house….Not to mention a load of other Amazing things from HauteLook.

Friend them on Facebook and Follow them on Twitter.  It will Improve your state of mind I’m telling you. Great deals on Great designer goods, you cant go wrong!

Downtown Hip: Dr. Martens NYC SoHo Store

Downtown Hip: Dr. Martens NYC SoHo Store.

Life will be Great Once I visit Dr. Martens NYC SoHo store, they’re like platforms, pumps, stilettos & sneakers…you can Never have too many

I Need This: T-Strap Platform Sandals

I Need This: T-Strap Platform Sandals.

Gotta have me some Jeffrey Campbell T-Strap Platforms,,,check em out!!

Here’s Some fun things 2do In NYC Tomorrow…

Monday Funday~January 10, 2011

Free Movie in Brooklyn
Free Screening of The Graduate & Free Popcorn in Brooklyn!

An Evening of Fine Beer Tasting
Enjoy an Evening of Fine Beer Tasting at Good Beer in the East Village NYC

The Manhattan Experience
Enjoy A Night of Free Manhattans From NYC’s Best Bartenders at The Standard.

An Evening with Snooki Enjoy an Evening with Snooki as She Discusses Her New Book – A shore Thing!!

Kelly Cutrone…You Inspire Me…!

I love me some Grungy Gentleman on a daily basis, but I LOVE it even more when Andrew Mukamal & his Unbelievable Closet of Extraordinary fashion is featured, (loving the Vintage Dior backpack and Missoni x converse.)

I’ve always thought it would be great to be a fly on the wall at Peoples Revolution. I would love to see his daily attire, his style intrigues me (not to mention the many other Wonderful reasons, like the Incredibly Inspirational Kelly Cutrone.) I love his personality and Kelly’s outspoken, straight to the point, No Bull-shit attitude, hence “If you’re gonna cry, go outside…,” by Kelly Cutrone! Also, don’t forget to pick up her new book, “Normal Gets You Nowhere” April 26, 2011, you can buy both @Amazon.com.

You know, I was never considered Normal and to be honest I’m glad. I would rather be considered abnormal than blend in with everyone else. As my sons T-shirt design says, “Don’t Blend GLOW”… his motto is “Don’t blend with the rest Glow like the Best.”

I was always that girl people couldn’t wait to see, wondering what I was going to look like, what I’d be wearing when I got to school, a party, a  job… I was considered “different”, “weird”, “abnormal”. I’ve always had a very outgoing personality, I keep people on their toes.  Again, I was considered all the fore mentioned above along with “hyper”, or a question of “ What are You on, can I have some?” There Never was and still isn’t  a dull moment when I’m around people say. I can always bring people out of their funk and put a smile on their face. I was an Inspiration to my sons mantra, or so I’d like to think, lol. I’ve just Always preferred to be happy rather than sad, good rather than bad. What did Mae West say,” When I’m good I’m good but when I’m bad I’m even better.”

I saw a quote today on Twitter, sorry I can’t remember who Tweeted it at the moment, but it went something like this, “…There are no more hours in a bad day than there are in a good one”  So the way I take that is why bother to sulk and have a bad day when you can enjoy a good one! Turn you’re frown upside down, make light of every situation, try to find the good in all things…think Positive!

When I watched “Kell on earth” on Bravotv, I loved all their straight forward personalities.  I couldn’t wait to see what was next. They were so great to watch at work, they were doing something I could only wish I would have been able to do. It’s very hard, competitive work with long hours but I would still give my right arm to work for Kelly Cutrone, even if only for a day. I’d like to be an intern, be her gopher, do whatever it is for her & her company that she would allow me to do. I’d pick up her dry cleaning, go to Shake Shack, get lunch… It would be a dream being able to do something in the Fashn World, not to mention for the Greatest PR woman in Fashn. I love her as a mother, a strong business woman, a great book writer and just her overall personality. She is my Inspiration!

This is the part where I try not to get bummed out not being able to be the person I always wanted to be.  If I didn’t have health issues I know that I would be doing something in the Fashn world, not quite sure what, but it would be something in Fashn. So for now, I practice my photography which I would love to learn more about, I indulge in Fashn sites and go window shopping. I’m teaching myself how to do different multi-media art and I’m reading everything I can imagine that comes out in Fashn. Oh, and trying to learn how to Blog.

I want to say Thank you again to All of the Fashion Industry for giving me inspiration that helps keep me positive enough to stay alive and striving forward when the going gets tough. I’m thankful for each and every day I am given. I face each day like the glass is half full not empty. I look forward to each one knowing there’s always going to be new Fashn for me to embark upon.

You all keep me focused and Inspired, my family & myself can’t thank you enough, Fashn for me is Therapy!

…<3 God …<3 Life …<3 Fashn  …<3 Fun